2. Self and Other

Having said that people are primarily 'Self'-centred or 'Other'-centred, I should add that each of us are capable of being both 'Self' centred and 'Other' centred. We all possess both sets of attributes to varying degrees. A person can even be primarily 'Self'-centred but show 'Other'-centredness in particular contexts. For example, a person may be 'Self' centred at work, being an over-ambitious and overbearing towards their colleagues. The same person may be very 'Other' centred at home towards their spouse and children.

In the Bible, self-centredness is called "sin". And other-centredness is called "love". We are capable of both. Sometimes we sin and sometimes we love. The one thing in common is that we all start as hopelessly 'Self' centred people towards God. We have neglected to thank him, realise and say sorry when we offend him, we don't have time for him, think we're better than him, ignore him, just take from him, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Thankfully, God is radically different from people. He is utterly 'Other' centred and the root source of all love. He is totally worthy of our adoration and love because he is who he is. He is the exemplar of good, loveliness and excellence.

But instead of loving him, we sin against him by being 'self' centred people towards him. How blind and destructive!

We would've been stuck forever if Jesus had not come to love us by dying on the cross for our sake. He poured himself out for the sake of Others. His love and 'Other' centredness was so complete and abundant that it overwhelms our 'Self' centredness. Those who receive his love are filled to the brim to overflowing. It purges our self-centred, empty hearts of sin. The tide of Jesus' love and generosity overwhelms sin. How glorious!

A 'Self'-centred person becomes 'Other'-centred when they become 'God'-centred. In Christ, we are not hopelessly stuck in our deep seated 'self' centredness, but are transformed into people who love God, others and even those who don't love us back.




John puts it beautifully:

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. (v 7-12)


While D. B. Knox puts it like this (from Selected Works, Vol 1: The Doctrine of God, p155):

Personal relationship is ultimate reality. The basic requirement for the establishment and maintenance of true personal relationship is other-person-centredness, that is, genuine interest in the other person and his welfare and the forwarding of that welfare by every appropriate means at one's disposal. This means that absolute other-person-centredness is the most real thing in being a person.

There can be no trace of self-centredness in true personal relationship. The smallest degree of self-centredness diminishes the relationship. Complete self-centredness is the negation of any personal relationship. The complete absence of relationship between persons is hell.

Since God is actus purus (i.e. there is no mere potentiality in him), his other-person-centredness is complete, and active in conferring benefits on the other person all the time.

The authors quoted use the categories a little differently to me, but you get the idea.