Deh-Dee

"Your Dad said six words to me", my then boy-friend reported back after bravely meeting my parents for 2 hours by himself, "and 2 of those words were 'Windows XP'." After ~3 decades, that was no surprise to me.


On the surface, my father is an archetypal Asian male. Monosyllabic. Whether his day was wonderful or terrible, he'd describe it as "Hmmm!" If you're lucky, Dad will discuss a small, but diverse range of subjects in depth (linguistics, literature, astronomy, opera, maths, engineering, transport). But often, you may never be privy to his ingenious internal workings. To steal a description about someone else:

so many languages, so few words.

People don't get to know Dad at dinner parties. You must read his actions and decisions over a long period to appreciate his character and values. I was delighted when Dad's young colleague said "Your Father is a gentleman. Very rare." (He might let out a sheepish giggle if she had said this personally.) His family, his close friends and underlings all know him to be helpful, thoughtful, diligent, loyal, enthusiastic, forgiving, light-hearted and selfless.

Dad's friend from uni described him as a "First-class husband and father". He marveled at how Dad gave up a prestigious position, relationships and cushy lifestyle in Hong Kong to migrate to Australia, facing long-term employment and language difficulties.

Dad has an excellent work ethic. Know your job and do it well. Overlook nothing. Follow through. Anticipate other people's short-falls. Do not abuse the system. Dad sets a very high standard and keeps himself accountable to himself. Because he's not so concerned to justify his actions to others, others may misunderstand him. He's a wonderful boss, gently nurturing and grooming his protégés without feeling threatened. He looks after newbies so well that they often affectionately call him "Big Brother". Dad's not happy unless he's useful. While other men his age are winding up their careers, he embraced a new challenge; taking on migration, significant job responsibilities and yet another language.

But Dad's primarily a teacher. He'd often wave me over, "Come here, Honoria. Look at this..." Dad taught me how to swim even though he couldn't swim himself (theorists...!). When I was a girl, he encouraged me to play with calculators (playing with + - X /). He's keen on pointing out how things work, helping you think through a better way of doing things, playing out all the scenarios. He's taught many subjects to a range of ages, in a variety of contexts. Even though Dad's a new faculty member, he took brand new teachers under his wing, showing them the ropes and potholes.

I always enjoy watching others enjoy my Dad's company, even when I have no idea what's going on. Sadly, my Cantonese is not good enough to appreciate his irreverent, razor sharp wit, and his love for puns and double / triple entendres. Meanwhile, people are laughing so hard they have to set down their drink. And if the joke doesn't translate so well in English, Dad is content to have amused himself.

You should see Dad's reflexes on the soccer field, badminton court or ping pong table. He really enjoys getting people together and being active. Although he loves stiff competition, he encourages children, women and the unsporty to have a go. His walking pace is permanently set to 'brisk'.

Dad's got a contingency plan for everything. Dad carries breakables on one side (e.g. vases), lest he falls straight on the object. He goes down stairs diagonally because he's less likely to trip. He inserts his fork diagonally just in case someone passing behind accidentally knocks him. (This is pretty funny, actually.) The thinking is, the fork would jam into his cheek rather than down his throat. Bet you never thought of that before!

Dad is mindful about the little things. Dad always let Mum have the window seat and walk curbside. In the time that Mum takes to whip up 5 dishes, Dad would perfect an omelet for one: a golden brown semi-circle, crisply outside, slightly runny inside, served hot, immediately. While other Cantonese parents chose cute sounding names for their babies, Dad picked meaningful names for us in Cantonese and English. Expectant couples often ask Dad to chose names for them.

Dad's discerning. I think that's why he's a Nippophile. He's more likely to buy one pricey, but well designed Japanese product, beautifully wrapped, than 20 cheap and nasty Chinese mass-produced products. He wouldn't buy the cheapest to save money. He'd do his research and choose the best value for money to save money. The clothes from his 20's are still in good shape and pill-free. According to said ex, Dad wore "cool threads".

Oh, and he was a killer tenor, before radiotherapy. Now he's a bass.