Mopping up the Mess

My friendship crises are mostly passed its denouement ["haw haw haw"] and into its end stage. If you'll indulge me a little longer...

Like the proverbial janitor, I'm mopping up the mess. Part of this is involves looking at the unsettling things that have floated up to the surface.

Among them were my animate idols. The revelation of some friendships was shocking. It wasn't just the friends who turned out to be parasites who let me down. The good friends who whole-hearted offered help fell short of being an adequate support. I couldn't lay my burdens on any one person. This meant that of my loving friends, I went to one for sympathy, another for practical advice, one for wisdom, another for hugs, one for reality checks, another for comic relief, etc. I'm very thankful that God's generously surrounded me with true friends who love me so deeply. But I often felt very lonely. The friendship safety net wasn't strong enough for such a fall. As excellent and godly friends as they are, I relied on them more than I should. They are only humans, limited in understanding, time and power. It's a grave mistake and unfair to expect friends to be the "you" in Psalm 139. Only God can and should provide true comfort and satisfaction.

Another ugly thing that surfaced was my reaction. When I feel like a victim, I pretend that it's excuseable to do ungodly things: slander, whinge, be embittered, wallow in self-pity, love justice more than mercy, withhold forgiveness, be judge. "Vengeance is mine, I will repay", thus sayeth Honoria.

Trials show up what (still) needs to go. Oh, that God would take every thought captive (a la 2 Cor 10:5)!

Insecurity

I used to see insecurity as something to be nurtured ~ like a baby: vulnerable, helpless, needy. How would you deal with insecure Christians? Well, you affirm and encourage the person, I'd've said.

My friend prescribed a different treatment. They suggested that insecurity, like arrogance, needs to be rebuked. Hmmmm...

Let's look at the varieties of Insecurus Doubtae. They may look:

· nervous, scared, timid, weak, anxious, untrusting, paranoid.
· proud, needing to look down others in order to feel better about themselves.
· envious, needing to compare themselves to others: elated to be doing better, dejected to be lagging.
· petty, needing to assert the very little power they have.
· defensive, needing to guard and protect what they have.
· stingey or selfish, needing to make sure they have enough for themselves.
· possessive, needing to claim things as their own.
· discontent, needing more, needing better.
· competitive, needing to prove they can beat others.
· powerful, needing to control and exercise power over others.
· stagnant and inflexible, needing stability and predictability for security.
· opinionated or critical, needing to show that they have superior knowledge and experience.
· like a bully, needing to intimidate and belittle people to gain a sense of power.
· like a control freak, needing to control themselves, their environment and others in trivial and big ways.
· like a manipulator, needing to control others in trivial and big ways.
· like a rebel, needing to subvert and throw off the established powers.
· like a corrector or authority, needing to show they know best.
· like a gossip, needing to control information because knowledge is power.
· like an attention seeker, needing other people's affirmation in order to feel valued.
· like an exaggerator, flatterer or liar, needing to blow out or take away from the truth.
· like an anorexic or bulimic, needing to control their food and bodies in order to have some control over anything.
· like a pioneer or high achievers, needing to achieve something significant in order to be someone significant.
· like a usurper, needing to take power away from the ones in higher positions.
· like a predator, enjoying the power of breaking the rules or taking what they shouldn't take.

All different of animals at this zoo. All with the same brokenness. All need the same treatment.

At its core, insecurity is disbelieving God is good + God is in control + God is enough.

Disbelief.

Doubt.

Introspection.

The remedy for insecurity is correcting and reminding about the security that is God. Perhaps gently, perhaps not. How you treat them depends on the type of animal. But the active ingredient is the same.

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold
from those who walk uprightly.
O Lord of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!

~ Psalm 84:11-12

Click to see it bigger at Wordle.

Journaling

I don't really have the patience for journaling. It takes too long!

But a friend who regularly writes in her journal said that there's good physiological reasons for doing it. The feelings centre in your brain is different from your writing centre, which is in the region of logic. So when you have lots of emotions and you write them down, you are processing it through your reason. That helps you sort through things you're going through.

My friend said "It's a bit like the Psalmist. In a Psalm, they start off in a bit of a mess and by the time they finish writing down it all down, it's sorted!"

Porn for Women

I stole the title of this blog from the photographic book by Susan Andersen (don't google the title - Covenant Eyes will getcha!)

Keith preached on Ps 101 in Chapel today, about living the ideals of a blameless life. In true Keith fashion, he made incisive comments about men and women, starting with the eyes.

It's quite natural for men to be fascinated with form and physicality of women. Sometimes the "vile thing" before our eyes (v3) is beauty. In other words, sin often looks beautiful and attractive. Eve's apple and David's Bethsheba both looked pretty good. And beauty and its appreciation aren't inherently sinful, but anything good can be perverted to be something evil.

Even though he, along with everyone else, is "over" the whole internet pornography thing, he said it would be remiss of him to pass over it when dealing with sins of the eyes.

So what about women?

Keith remarked that women can also have "a haughty eye and a proud heart" in their internet use. This includes:

- prying into people's lives (e.g. insatiably searching through cavernous Facebook)
- projecting a desirable (and fake) image of themselves on a webpage

At the root of this is covetousness, jealousy, rivalry, deceit and one-up-man-ship (one-up-woman-ship).

My friend has been putting off Facebook for sometime, because she didn't want to make an e-shrine of herself. Not only is projecting a positive image a temptation, but envy of others can also ensnare her. I've been trying to sell FB to her, saying that she doesn't have to fall into that trap, and there are many social advantages, yadda yadda yadda... But perhaps she knows what is good for her and I should let her conscience direct her actions. My friend thinks that she'll probably be ok dealing with Facebook, but isn't that the beginning of being sucked in? Doesn't everyone think they are immune?

It's been said that men might fantasize about the physical attributes of women. And women just fantasize (daydream about the perfect man, a certain situation, how conversations might go, make negative comparison between real people and fictional characters: "Darcy would never have done that..." or any form of romanticising reality).

I guess the e-pitfalls for women are a little less apparent, a little more respectable but just as binding and insidious.

Near the end of the sermon, Keith gave this exhortation (via Piper): it's not the fact of the pornography or perversion of sex that's sad. But what's sad is Satan using it to disqualify us for service, laying a huge burden of guilt on us that we are unable to carry out ministry. We are Christians are to take our sin seriously, but remember that Jesus' yoke is light.

As I was absorbing all this, I thought about the purpose of this blog. I don't feel the need to keep a diary, public or private. I post to reveal the world of theological training to others. So this blog isn't a representative sample of the contents of my head in electronic form. It's just the ideas and experiences that have impacted me that I think are worth mentioning to people. But this image of a God-centred life, of lofty thoughts or worthy deeds, is more concentrated than it really is. Does the purpose of the blog justify its disproportionate goodness? Or is it vanity disguised?

Birthday Bible Passages

In Christian birthday cards, little gems like this often turn up:

I have been young and now I am old,
Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken
Or his descendants begging bread.
All day long he is gracious and lends,
And his descendants are a blessing.

~ Ps 37:25-26 (NASB)