Early memories consist of Mum teaching us very patiently, instilling in us strong senses of principles, rightness and other-person-centeredness. When we'd talk about everyday events, people, things, Mum would draw our attention to all the good, the adorable, the true. Whether it's flowers ("Look! Look!... ai yor ~ so many colours!" ) or kindness ("See, Daddy lets you have the bigger piece because he loves you"). In ourselves and others, character and conduct are more important than fashion and fanfare. Mum appreciates the hand of God in the little and big things. Counter-culturally, Mum encouraged us to be distinct, rather than conform, because Christian faith is so alien to the world. She would never blind us to society's evils, but tried to equip us for it. (Ask me about Mum's "stranger danger" preparation!).
I'm very grateful for the discipline we had. Reinforcement, fairness and following-through. Punishments for misdemeanors were very consistent (She'd ask "How many smacks does that deserve?". If we said "two" when it was actually three, she'd ask "Really?" and we'd concede. Both parties knew that 3 smacks are a comin'.). We were rarely indulged. If we sulked or were sobbing out of control, Mum would warn us, count to 3, inflict a smack and wait for us to control ourselves ~ Repeat, as needed. This takes a lot of patience and tenacity. If Mum has set rules, no amount of coercion, cuteness or begging would budge them. We are far from perfect now, but I'm so grateful as a Christian that Mum broke our autonomous spirit; it's far easier to submit to a Heavenly Father when we already submit to an earthly parent. The level of discipline would be considered stern in Australian society. But I consider it quite fair and aspire to bring up my children similarly. I lose respect for both the children throwing a tantrum in the supermarket aisle over cereal flavors and the passive parent looking on hopelessly.
Mum treats her children far more generously than herself. Her actions and priorities are marked by sacrifice and considerateness. If anyone would miss out, lose sleep, go last, have the dregs, be left in the kitchen, carry the heaviest load, it's Mum. Habitually, Mum sweeps through household chores so we'd be freed up to study. Even if her calloused hands has a cut, she'd continue single-handedly before interrupting your work. My parents swapped a very comfortable existence in Hong Kong for a very difficult and foreign one in Australia, which gave us opportunities and freedoms.
Mum is in her element in times of strife. If you're in trouble, you may or may not receive sympathetic words and fussing. But come to Mum for strength, time-tested wisdom, practical help and words spoken in plain truth. She'll do the right thing by you, whether you ask for it or not! I sometimes find evidence of generous donations to ministers or missionaries, but she would not tell us about her giving. Both Mum and Dad taught us to manage money, but they would never burden us with financial difficulties, even though our family must have had significant financial issues. Mum doesn't whinge or wallow in self-pity, but bears pain and difficulties with grace and fortitude without fuss. The observant may catch her in acts of quiet service.
Mum loves fun and her family. She treasures each person and sees times and opportunities as precious. Mum would save up treats to have together, one for everyone, so no one would miss out or eat greedily, leaving none for others. Mum maintained our family's prayer life. After reading the Bible or recapping events on my parents' bed, the youngest to the oldest take turns praying for something every night.
For the extended family reunion in 2001, Mum planned for years, literally. When our relatives arrived, nothing was unforeseen, lacking or done poorly. Mum catered to the needs of our relatives, provided more than enough and anticipated problems three steps before they occurred. My aunts were laughing and weeping as Mum recounted stories from their difficult and poverty-stricken childhood. There's a string of strong woman on my mother's side.
Mum modeled the importance of being ministry-minded, in migration, in school, in the home. For many years we had an open-house policy. When we bought a new house, Mum had in mind dimensions to accommodate church groups for dinners, Bible studies. My Mum could quickly knock up extra food for unexpected visitors. Bags of clothes, cut flower, shopping, food and household goods stood by the door, waiting for Mum to deliver them. I used to resentfully think I shared my Mum with everyone else.
A friend commented that Mother-daughter relationship is one of the most significant in life. Amen. Amen. I can see her influence in my everyday ethics and career choice (even though she discouraged me from entering ministry vocationally!). The relationship has its share of friction and disagreements, but there is no substitute.
Recently, I had an Anne of Green Gables / Jo March moment. I was joking with a friend about my first book, entitled, "Contraband: Absinthe, Bibles, Cigars". But he protested, "You should write about your family!" after listening to me prattle on about the amazing women and events in my family. The unmistakable figure that dominates the picture is my Mother.
