It's common for people to choose people of similar attractiveness to them. There's a natural justice when the gorgeous marry the gorgeous, then have uber-gorgeous children. The gorgeous marrying the average, on the other hand, may evoke inferiority complexes, insecurity or perennial public scrutiny. Until the time when age levels out their attractiveness, they will catch comments in the wind, along the lines of, "How did a 5 like him hook up with an 8 like her?"
Some may have other criteria and seek their educational, social or ambitional match.
Likewise, Christians tend to go out with people of a matched spiritual maturity. Mature Christians tend to look for another. So if a girl goes out with a non-Christian or an immature, ungodly Christian, it can indicate their own Christian maturity.
It's a pretty good gauge that their faith may be pretty on par with their mate's.
4 comments:
Hey Honoria,
I do agree with you, but that said I have some hesitation in setting criteria the bible doesn't ie that the guy be a Christian. And in the grace of God we don't have more merit because we are more advanced as Christians. I guess I see a difference too, between a guy who is a new Christian and growing, and one who has been a Christian for years and is still immature (with the former being more preferable to the latter). I have known girls to call off relationships with newish Christians because they weren't yet mature, only to be sorry when a couple of years later the guy is at bible college and taking huge steps for the gospel. I also know a woman who nearly called it off with her fiance because she didn't think he'd be a good father, and now he runs seminars on parenting. So, sometimes you can have "faith for the man he will become" (there is an article by Carolyn McCulley out there somewhere on that topic).
Ali - I think you can faith for the man he will become ONCE you're married. Once you're married you're in for the long haul and that's it - you've made a promise and you need to stick around
But before marriage I think having VERY HIGH standards and keep them no matter what you think 'might happen'. You really need to be happy with the man with the goofy grin at the altar as he is then and there. Otherwise you're relationship will only ever be about reaching those ideals you had but your partner still hasn't reached.
Hon: I wonder a lot about growing together or about a stronger personality dominating the other and calling it 'maturity' and that they are 'helping the other to grow' by squishing them. I'm seeing it right now in a friend and I wish she would ditch him for a truly more mature guy but like you said, maybe it does say a lot about her own maturity. Or that he's squished it so much that whatever she had is gone now. :(
Hi Hon and San,
I've tagged you for this meme, because I'd love to hear your thoughts - feel free to ignore!
love Jean.
Jean, you amaze me by asking! Haven't I ranted enough?
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Di, there's probably be an element of abdication. I recently heard of a self "squish". A friend's non-Christian best friend married a Christian husband. The non-Christian wife was initially open to Christianity and curious (yay!)... but he didn't want issues of faith to come between them. So he let her curiosity die. What an opportunity lost!! He was making his marriage an idol.
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Hi Ali,
Thanks for posting and for blogging.
Sorry I've been sooooo tardy in replying (lots of college work = blog embargo). I have been thinking of you and read your blog recently. My heart goes out to you. It's such a familiar story here in Melbourne (which suffers from chronic drought of Christian men. Bad for church leadership, bad for marriage prospects).
Have your thoughts in December superseded your comment here? There's not much more to say to someone considering dating a nonny! So I'll just quote my chaplain from last year, who offered a good way to make any decision:
Ask yourself, "What does the Lord Jesus deserve?"
May God bless you as you obey him. I have just prayed for you and Rochester.
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