Deh-Dee

"Your Dad said six words to me", my then boy-friend reported back after bravely meeting my parents for 2 hours by himself, "and 2 of those words were 'Windows XP'." After ~3 decades, that was no surprise to me.


On the surface, my father is an archetypal Asian male. Monosyllabic. Whether his day was wonderful or terrible, he'd describe it as "Hmmm!" If you're lucky, Dad will discuss a small, but diverse range of subjects in depth (linguistics, literature, astronomy, opera, maths, engineering, transport). But often, you may never be privy to his ingenious internal workings. To steal a description about someone else:

so many languages, so few words.

People don't get to know Dad at dinner parties. You must read his actions and decisions over a long period to appreciate his character and values. I was delighted when Dad's young colleague said "Your Father is a gentleman. Very rare." (He might let out a sheepish giggle if she had said this personally.) His family, his close friends and underlings all know him to be helpful, thoughtful, diligent, loyal, enthusiastic, forgiving, light-hearted and selfless.

Dad's friend from uni described him as a "First-class husband and father". He marveled at how Dad gave up a prestigious position, relationships and cushy lifestyle in Hong Kong to migrate to Australia, facing long-term employment and language difficulties.

Dad has an excellent work ethic. Know your job and do it well. Overlook nothing. Follow through. Anticipate other people's short-falls. Do not abuse the system. Dad sets a very high standard and keeps himself accountable to himself. Because he's not so concerned to justify his actions to others, others may misunderstand him. He's a wonderful boss, gently nurturing and grooming his protégés without feeling threatened. He looks after newbies so well that they often affectionately call him "Big Brother". Dad's not happy unless he's useful. While other men his age are winding up their careers, he embraced a new challenge; taking on migration, significant job responsibilities and yet another language.

But Dad's primarily a teacher. He'd often wave me over, "Come here, Honoria. Look at this..." Dad taught me how to swim even though he couldn't swim himself (theorists...!). When I was a girl, he encouraged me to play with calculators (playing with + - X /). He's keen on pointing out how things work, helping you think through a better way of doing things, playing out all the scenarios. He's taught many subjects to a range of ages, in a variety of contexts. Even though Dad's a new faculty member, he took brand new teachers under his wing, showing them the ropes and potholes.

I always enjoy watching others enjoy my Dad's company, even when I have no idea what's going on. Sadly, my Cantonese is not good enough to appreciate his irreverent, razor sharp wit, and his love for puns and double / triple entendres. Meanwhile, people are laughing so hard they have to set down their drink. And if the joke doesn't translate so well in English, Dad is content to have amused himself.

You should see Dad's reflexes on the soccer field, badminton court or ping pong table. He really enjoys getting people together and being active. Although he loves stiff competition, he encourages children, women and the unsporty to have a go. His walking pace is permanently set to 'brisk'.

Dad's got a contingency plan for everything. Dad carries breakables on one side (e.g. vases), lest he falls straight on the object. He goes down stairs diagonally because he's less likely to trip. He inserts his fork diagonally just in case someone passing behind accidentally knocks him. (This is pretty funny, actually.) The thinking is, the fork would jam into his cheek rather than down his throat. Bet you never thought of that before!

Dad is mindful about the little things. Dad always let Mum have the window seat and walk curbside. In the time that Mum takes to whip up 5 dishes, Dad would perfect an omelet for one: a golden brown semi-circle, crisply outside, slightly runny inside, served hot, immediately. While other Cantonese parents chose cute sounding names for their babies, Dad picked meaningful names for us in Cantonese and English. Expectant couples often ask Dad to chose names for them.

Dad's discerning. I think that's why he's a Nippophile. He's more likely to buy one pricey, but well designed Japanese product, beautifully wrapped, than 20 cheap and nasty Chinese mass-produced products. He wouldn't buy the cheapest to save money. He'd do his research and choose the best value for money to save money. The clothes from his 20's are still in good shape and pill-free. According to said ex, Dad wore "cool threads".

Oh, and he was a killer tenor, before radiotherapy. Now he's a bass.

A puzzle

What do Primal Fear, The Bourne Identity and Romulus My Father have in common?

The Single Gal

Recently, I have been very thankful to be unmarried and free. This is true, even when my friend remarked last night that many tears have been shed in this building (a single female residence) over guys and out of the sadnesses of being single. Yes, singleness can be a real stumbling block for a gal's contentment and thankfulness. But there are many real blessings!

• You have wider circles of friends.
  
• You get to travel by yourself without asking for permission. And then you meet new and interesting people.
  
• When the fella you fancy disappoints you, you are free to admire a different fella. You're not stuck.
  
• You have heaps more time to do whatever you like.
  Here at college, most women are single. I wonder how many married women out there would like to study, but can't because of responsibilities to their spouse or family.
• With your extra time, you are free to serve (a la 1 Corinthians 7). It's nothing for a single girl to take a few hours to babysit, but a whole night out is absolute luxury for a parent. A friend is making the most of her singleness by being a missionary to Muslims.
  
• You get to have deep, intimate relationships with single women. I've never been a guy, but it seems that strong, deep and significant single guy-guy friendships are much rarer than that for girls. Married person often say it's hard to have deep relationships with people outside their immediate family.
  
• When you're married, you have a whole other set of school reunions, family functions, birthdays to remember, etc.
• You can listen to the whole sermon without straining to hear over the noises of the crying room, as mums do.
  
• You can go ahead with your long-term plans.
  
• You're not obligated to regularly watch movies or sports you don't like.
• You can make / change your plans last minute without consulting anyone or a common calendar.
  
• It's easier to be welcomed into another family (in my case, the Simmons), as an honorary member.
• You can sleep whenever you want.
  
• You make fewer trips to the doctors, compared to parents.
  
• I enjoy the close friendships of guys without worrying if anyone is (rightly) jealous.
  
• Your finances are freer and you have fewer responsibilities, like mortgages.
• You are less likely to fall into the trap of thinking that some person (like your spouse or your children) is the love of your love, when only Jesus deserves that honor
• In the loneliness of singleness (a sad thing), you long and ache for the day when your true bridegroom arrives (a great thing!)

Yes, some days are hard. There are more u-turns, givesways, near-misses, missed exits, handbreak-stops and starts when you're singles. But it's better to be single and wish to be married, than to be married and wish to be single. Most days I'm very glad I'm single. So don't be surprised if this list grows.

Earth has nothing I desire besides You

We chatted with Catholic women, asking what she believes and what her big questions are. She said she felt the injustice of her protracted pain and suffering (from an accident which left her with broken legs, a damaged spinal column and a brain injury), while others have an easy, trouble free life.

Having done months of thinking about Job, I found myself uselessly dumb stuck. What on earth do I say?! My friend pointed her to Psalm 73, where the despairing Asaph voiced those sentiments exactly. Why do the wicked prosper? The woman nodded and "hmmm"ed the Psalm unfolded. Asaph's turning point came when he saw God in his sanctuary, and realised the destiny of the wicked. And then he turned his eyes on God again and realised that he already has the most precious thing of all.

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

Everything fades into the background. Asaph no longer longed for comfort, wealth and health. These goals are not worth comparing to being with God.

It's a very unconventional way of addressing questions of suffering. God comforts us in this: having God's nearness and favor trumps everything else. He has sent Jesus as a permanent reminder of this ~ his name is Immanuel, God with us. Even if God's people suffer from pain and poverty, we are infinitely better off than rich scoffers whose "bodies are fat and sleek" who will face God's judgment.

We thanked God that "... afterward you will take [us] into glory" (v.24) where there is no more pain, broken legs, but our bodies made new. And we will see Jesus in the flesh.

Dying well

Eliz spoke at her mother's memorial service a few weeks ago. After a very long battle with cancer, June died well. Eliz's thanksgiving speech is a glowing example of doctrine being the most amazing comfort.

--

She was very very ill and in hospital for 10 days. One day as I was sitting beside her bed she said, "I worry that when I get to heaven Jesus will be disappointed with me."

I looked at her and said, "No! That is simply not possible!"

I moved and sat on the bed with her and held both her hands and looked her in the eye. I said, "You will be absolutely perfect."

She wasn't convinced. I said, "Mum, You will be as perfect as Christ's work on the cross. If there was to be anything about you that God could find disappointing, then Christ's redeeming work and his offering of his blood for your sins was not sufficient. But we know that Christ's sacrifice was sufficient because God raised him from the dead and exalted him in heaven. You are IN Christ, so you will be as perfect as Christ's work on the cross was perfect!"

--

How wonderful! Christ's perfection, death and resurrection is of critical importance at the most important time. What a glorious application of a doctrine often overlooked, being "in Christ".

Eliz closes by saying:

--

So it is amazing what you see when your eyes are open -- God's hand held mum's through everything - he never let her go - and she was fully aware of it.

And then, in the early hours of Sunday morning, that hand of God scooped her up. June is glorified --absent from the body but present with the Lord (Paul: 2 Corinthians 5:8) - in heaven with her Saviour and saints from every tribe, language people and nation - where there is no sickness or suffering or sin or heartache or tears - all because of the everlasting love of God, cross of Jesus Christ and the resurrecting power of the Holy Spirit.

Let's pray:

We give thanks to God the Father who chose June in love before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless before him.

We give thanks to to God the Son, Jesus Christ who redeemed June and gave his body to be broken for her, and poured out his blood for her so that all her sins could be forgiven and she could be united to Christ and filled with the Holy Spirit.

We give thanks to God the Holy Spirit who faithfully ministered to June, empowered her through her life, sustained her in her death, and now has raised her to be with God.

We give thanks to God for his everlasting love, mercy and faithfulness - for the way he ministered to June by his Spirit to her heart and mind, and through his appointed servants at every turn.

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

~ Lamentations 3:22-23, ESV

Amen.

Two Things are True

My Staffworker used to say this a lot, to describe two truths that co-exist, but are seemingly contradictory, irreconcilable or paradoxical. Things that are held in tension and unresolved in Scripture.

1. The immortal (God)
2. ... dies

1. Christians' 100% assurance of salvation because of Christ, who holds us in his hands from start to finish (John 17)
2. Working out your faith in fear and trembling / Warnings about falling away

1. The goodness of God
2. The broken and intrinsically flawed world

1. The unchangeable, eternal God
2. ... who is born, suffers and is affected by humans.

In the one event:

1. God's good intentions / purposes / complete control, which does not attract blame, but worship
2. People's evil intentions / actions / complete responsibility, which is culpable

(e.g. the cross = God's best intervention in the world and most glorious manifestation of his goodness + the thoroughly evil act of humans and the worse sin ever committed)

These things scream "Does not compute!!!" Much ink and blood has been spilt to explain how two things might fit together (this is often called theology). And Scripture often loses out when thinkers deny one truth in order to uphold another.

It's important to note that God doesn't resolve these things for us. I think he would have been able to explain how these things go together if he wanted to. But he doesn't. He's just made it clear that two things are true.

Piano

For some, the piano belongs to the Keyboard family of musical instruments, for obvious reasons. Others say pianos are from the String family, because they have strings (or classify it as a chordophone... I'm not sure what that is). And for some, they are a part of the Percussion family, because sound is made with a striking action of little felt hammers (or spoons, in Manny's case).

What a magnificent instrument! "Piano" is actually an abbreviation of "Pianoforte" (literally, "slowly-strongly"), named for its capacity for a wide range of volumes and timbres. The piano crosses many genres of music, over many eras. It plays well with other instruments or hold the stage all on its own. It can lead or accompany. And it's great fun to play with its harmonics, lid up! The piano the instrument you'd turn to if you were to reduce an orchestral score to be playable for one. It's the best teaching tool for music theory and it's great in composition. But you can't play it around a bonfire.

Mah-mee

This, this, this, this and that post made me think of my Mama. My Mother has always appeared in my ever-changing testimony, because she has been the prime shaper of my life.


Early memories consist of Mum teaching us very patiently, instilling in us strong senses of principles, rightness and other-person-centeredness. When we'd talk about everyday events, people, things, Mum would draw our attention to all the good, the adorable, the true. Whether it's flowers ("Look! Look!... ai yor ~ so many colours!" ) or kindness ("See, Daddy lets you have the bigger piece because he loves you"). In ourselves and others, character and conduct are more important than fashion and fanfare. Mum appreciates the hand of God in the little and big things. Counter-culturally, Mum encouraged us to be distinct, rather than conform, because Christian faith is so alien to the world. She would never blind us to society's evils, but tried to equip us for it. (Ask me about Mum's "stranger danger" preparation!).

I'm very grateful for the discipline we had. Reinforcement, fairness and following-through. Punishments for misdemeanors were very consistent (She'd ask "How many smacks does that deserve?". If we said "two" when it was actually three, she'd ask "Really?" and we'd concede. Both parties knew that 3 smacks are a comin'.). We were rarely indulged. If we sulked or were sobbing out of control, Mum would warn us, count to 3, inflict a smack and wait for us to control ourselves ~ Repeat, as needed. This takes a lot of patience and tenacity. If Mum has set rules, no amount of coercion, cuteness or begging would budge them. We are far from perfect now, but I'm so grateful as a Christian that Mum broke our autonomous spirit; it's far easier to submit to a Heavenly Father when we already submit to an earthly parent. The level of discipline would be considered stern in Australian society. But I consider it quite fair and aspire to bring up my children similarly. I lose respect for both the children throwing a tantrum in the supermarket aisle over cereal flavors and the passive parent looking on hopelessly.

Mum treats her children far more generously than herself. Her actions and priorities are marked by sacrifice and considerateness. If anyone would miss out, lose sleep, go last, have the dregs, be left in the kitchen, carry the heaviest load, it's Mum. Habitually, Mum sweeps through household chores so we'd be freed up to study. Even if her calloused hands has a cut, she'd continue single-handedly before interrupting your work. My parents swapped a very comfortable existence in Hong Kong for a very difficult and foreign one in Australia, which gave us opportunities and freedoms.

Mum is in her element in times of strife. If you're in trouble, you may or may not receive sympathetic words and fussing. But come to Mum for strength, time-tested wisdom, practical help and words spoken in plain truth. She'll do the right thing by you, whether you ask for it or not! I sometimes find evidence of generous donations to ministers or missionaries, but she would not tell us about her giving. Both Mum and Dad taught us to manage money, but they would never burden us with financial difficulties, even though our family must have had significant financial issues. Mum doesn't whinge or wallow in self-pity, but bears pain and difficulties with grace and fortitude without fuss. The observant may catch her in acts of quiet service.

Mum loves fun and her family. She treasures each person and sees times and opportunities as precious. Mum would save up treats to have together, one for everyone, so no one would miss out or eat greedily, leaving none for others. Mum maintained our family's prayer life. After reading the Bible or recapping events on my parents' bed, the youngest to the oldest take turns praying for something every night.

For the extended family reunion in 2001, Mum planned for years, literally. When our relatives arrived, nothing was unforeseen, lacking or done poorly. Mum catered to the needs of our relatives, provided more than enough and anticipated problems three steps before they occurred. My aunts were laughing and weeping as Mum recounted stories from their difficult and poverty-stricken childhood. There's a string of strong woman on my mother's side.

Mum modeled the importance of being ministry-minded, in migration, in school, in the home. For many years we had an open-house policy. When we bought a new house, Mum had in mind dimensions to accommodate church groups for dinners, Bible studies. My Mum could quickly knock up extra food for unexpected visitors. Bags of clothes, cut flower, shopping, food and household goods stood by the door, waiting for Mum to deliver them. I used to resentfully think I shared my Mum with everyone else.

A friend commented that Mother-daughter relationship is one of the most significant in life. Amen. Amen. I can see her influence in my everyday ethics and career choice (even though she discouraged me from entering ministry vocationally!). The relationship has its share of friction and disagreements, but there is no substitute.

Recently, I had an Anne of Green Gables / Jo March moment. I was joking with a friend about my first book, entitled, "Contraband: Absinthe, Bibles, Cigars". But he protested, "You should write about your family!" after listening to me prattle on about the amazing women and events in my family. The unmistakable figure that dominates the picture is my Mother.